First 12 days after my dad physically left us
Day 0: After bring my father to hospital he was declared "He is no more" by the doctors. Exact comments from the doctor were 'we can try and give electric shock and bring heart back to functioning but cant bring back the brain to function again. Brain can only function for 7 minutes without oxygen. Even if we give shock the organs will be destroyed'. At this point of time my sister, brother-in-law were with me in the hospital.
While in the back of my mind I knew this is going to happen from couple of hours before this point, my mother and my wife were in auto coming to the hospital and my mother was hoping that we could take father back home alive. She and me felt excruciating pain of our lives along with my sister, wife and brother-in-law. My exact felling was my heart and brain were heavy and could sense every second what is happenning around me.
Later we called and informed our relatives and people arrived at the hospital. After closing the formalities and we brought my father back to my place.
Day 1: We put my father in the cooling pod until all friends and relatives arrived. Couple of thoughts were constantly running in my mind. One was not being able to accept the fact that a person who is the base of our lives is not responding/available for us any more. Dad was like anchor for me in all the turbulent waves of my experiences. Suddenly I was on my own. I could not digest this. The other one was there are plenty of things to do and take care over the next few days. I was a little worried about how things will proceed.
Once all friends and relatives arrived I did a series of steps according to our religion and took my father to the burial ground. Incidentally, it was the next to the place where we as a family arrived to this town almost 29 years ago. I had to do another set of activities (Each of them had a deeper meaning to it) and finally father was placed on bunch of wood and I had to burn him. We waited there for some time and return to home.
Day 2: On Day 2 I had to go to the place where we did previos day proceedings and had to collect the remains (asthika and ash) of my dad. This was a very intense moment for me. I had to clean the entire surface and collect astika's in a bag. I kept some part of ash in a pot and put it in locker to submerge it in kasi and prayag. Major part on second day me along with my brother in law and uncle (father's brother) went to Somasila hired a boat and went to the place where few other small rivers meet at one place and submerged the ash there. I felt as if the my father is part of the nature now. I returned home after this.
Day 3-Day 9: I performed nithya karma all through these days. Daily morning I had to go to burial ground cook for my father. Do the activities which are required based on the day. While doing this I realized how great indian culture is and the process is so deeply connected, enriching and involving and believed to make the journey of my father smooth. If not any thing else I felt as if it was a way of staying close to my father. Cooking as if he physically eats and not just as a routine made me feel that somewhere some how he is watching and knowing what I am doing. After doing this daily I had to take the nitya karma items and submerge in a water body and return home.
Day 10: This is day of "Darmodakalu". This we did it in Beechupally. Here again there is a series of karma steps I did with the direction of elders and this is a process of being relieved from the bond. My biggest fear was about my mother on how she is going to react to this procedure. And as I thought it was really tough to console her. Many relatives came to Beechupally dad's side and mom's side
Day 11: On this day there is a karma called Ekodishtam is performed along with few other vidhis.
Day 12: On this day a procedure called Sapindeekaranam is performed after which dad is supposed to join ancestors. This was the last day I could cook for him. All through these 12 days I had to eat only once in a day and not touch any one and sleep on the floor. After 12 days vidhi is completed it was normal routine and we returned home and within couple of hours of reaching home I got a phone call about my father-in-laws departure.
Naturally, these were the most intense 12 days for me and us a family. From the time I was born any moment was incomplete without any one missing amongst my father, mother or sister. From here on it will remain incomplete.